Thinking

These days, i'm always thinking of someone. Once every few hours, sometimes just once a day.

I'm not sure if its because, sub-consciously, I just wanted to think of someone or is it that the someone is naturally just in my thoughts.

Still, the fact is that I do think of someone, and felt compelled to call which I never did. Which leads me to think that maybe i'm just having a on-off fancy or I just want anyone who's available. I was contemplating to wait it out to see if this will go away. But how do you decide how long to actually sit it out.

I used to have the thinking that out of the billions of people in the world, if you are lucky to have the feelings for someone, one should just go for it even if you don't know the outcome. After a long period of peaceful solitude, i'm not so sure now...

Maybe i'm scare of rejection. Of being unable to give happiness. Of obligations. Of causing suffering. Of eventual partings and the lost of a friend and friends. In another way, I'm also scared of actually succeding. Of actual happiness. Kaoz. I'm acutally quite CMI.

Enticing someone to your door and actual letting someone into your door are scary stuffs. So what to do ?

But the horrible thing is that I do know.

Still, think that I should have ignored myself.

We'll see...