Last post for 2005 - 水

道德经 - 第八章

上善若水。
水善利万物而不争，
处众人之所恶，
故几于道。

居善地，心善洲，
与善仁，言善治，
政善治，事善能，
动善时。

夫唯不争，故无尤。

Tao De Jing Chap 8

“The best of man is like water,
Which benefits all things,
and does not contend with them,
Which flows in places that others disdain,
Where it is in harmony with the Way.

So the sage:Lives within nature,
Thinks within the deep,
Gives within impartiality,
Speaks within trust,
Governs within order,
Crafts within ability,
Acts within opportunity.
He does not contend,
and none contend against him.”

白色巨塔

aka Shiroi Kyoto (2003)

Ended on Friday. It is the The Best Japanese Drama I have seen this 2005. I must give it a rating of 10/10.

The acting from the 2 male leads are incredible, especially that of the Drama Actor Karasawa Toshiaki (唐沢寿明) , whose portrayal of the character Zaizen Goro (财前五郎) is excellent, from one end as a scheming and ambitious professor, to a tender adulterer, to a confident surgeon, to a guilt ridden doctor, to a dying man, to a human who lives his live with all seriousness to the very last second but with lasting regrets.

2 things worth mentioning here.

What is good and what is bad? What if a good person did a bad thing, does that negate all his previous good deeds? Is he to be condemned to be bad person with no hope of redemption? If this person is sincere in admitting his mistake, does society still give him a change?

Then what happens when a bad person does a good? Is he still a bad person with no hope of redemption? There’s an old chinese saying that goes “ 一失足而千古恨”. If this is truth, why do we bother with prisons and activities like that yellow ribbon project? We might as well fine the petty criminals and execute all hard-core criminals. The world, as it is now, is an unforgiving place with no room for mistake. It is a harsh place where only the fittest survive, courtesy of Darwin’s theory. Still, who is it that produced the line “the meek will inherit the world” ??

Why is it human nature to contempt others first? Most person scheme their way to getting what they want by either convincing others, sweet-talking, bribing or coercing. So if you say you dun like a scheming person, does that mean that you condemn most of the human race? If one argues about the degree of scheming that is acceptable, then who will set the bench mark? Is it a person’s fault that he is scheming / strategic by nature or circumstances? He is just born that way, like a hand with five fingers.

Human is a complex organism and especially so this 江湖 of ours. They can both good and bad or even neither. It all depends on the time, circumstances of the deed and who is doing the judging. If only the world is a much more forgiving place….

Which brings me to the second thing - the gift of forgiveness. Not an easy thing to practice but it’s a good New Year resolution that I will try to take up in its entirety. But on this note, I would like to point out that although just saying sorry is sometimes not an easy thing, it is just a superficial way to either comfort the other party or to make oneself feel better. As once the milk is spilled, there’s no way to reverse the process. The hurt that the affected party feels can only be lessened through time and only if they themselves can open their mind and free themselves. The “bad” guy can only do so much to make amends to the affected party, provided the “victim” allows him to do so. Then what else can the bad guy do after trying to make amends? Different circumstances mean different answers. Some general part-answer is to live your life to the fullest, change your attitude so as not to make the same mistake and advise others from 重蹈覆辙. This is probably a better and more worthy way to handle your mistakes.

3 months to the next haircut

Thursday

Went for a hair cut after work. Turn out horribly short. Always unsure of how to give instructions for my haircut. After this time, instead of just saying “short, slope”, the next time will be “layered at the sides and 剪平的。” But considering my length now, the next time will be 3 months down the road. Guess I have to resort to hair gels to style my hair so that I dun look like a school boy when I’m in T-shirt or what.

Saw a new show premiering on Ch 5 at midnight titled the American Dad. Dry wit, political sarcasms, and funny, what else can you expect from the makers of the “Family Guy”. Now I have a reason to go home before 12 on Thursdays.

Unfortunate accidents

Wednesday

An immediate colleague was involved in vehicular accident. Ok from the accident but now being admitted for diabetes examination…. Considering that he's in his 50's, that doesn't really bode too well... Dunno what TTS’s visiting hours are…

Went out with Daniel and Darren for dinner at Carl’s Junior. Damn expensive leh… Next time must remember to order only one drink, as its refillable. 3 of us were suckers to order 3 cups and to be given 3 empty cups to do the filling ourselves. Never again.

Went to pool place ard Middle Road to play pool before returning home. Saw Darren’s new place at Queenstown. Also discovered a new road through AYE and Normanton Park to Queensway thanks to the side trip.

Post X'mas

Christmas was ok as a holiday. Maybe its because I’m not really into this Christmas thing.

Only 2 events are worth mentioning.

First. I got a Pink Motorola Razr V3. Yes, its very pink, outrageously pinky. Something about it got my attention. And No, I’m not gay-ish.



Second. Went to Andy’s house for dinner on Christmas Day itself. As some of our friends couldn’t make it last minute, I ended up fetching Cam to his place. Chatted over the meal. Heard some personal news from Andy. A bit shocked. Hopefully the couple had gotten over it. Guess I should call him later.

Was asked a good question in the course of these few days. What is your goal in life?

Simply speaking, my goal, no, my hope is to die as early as possible, naturally, while waiting to see how Murphy’s Law is making the world into a funny place. So my goal is to sever all my worldly attachments by concluding them (i.e family) satisfactorily. I need to ensure my parents and my brothers have what-it-takes to survive and be taken care of till their old age without me being around. If I can achieve this within 40 years old, I will be more than ready to drop dead any time, anywhere, anyhow. But how to achieve that is still not so clear to me yet. Hopefully I will figure it out soon.

Ha ha… a police car just crashed in my site’s fence. The funny thing is that the fence is very much further away from the road perimeters. Dunno how policemen pilot their vehicle… strange….

Upper Thomson Road

Meet up with some friends last night (Wednesday) at upper Thomson, which is a stone throw’s away from my work site. Still have no chance to eat at the reputed prata shop due to their good business last night. Drank Heineken and eat supper nearby instead till 0130hrs before driving home. Caught up with some gossip and news on the blooming economy in India. Dunno when have the money to go there and look around…

Sanyi is counting down to the end of his bachelor days which will expire next Monday. Think we should make it a memorable stag night for him, esp with lips back for hols. See how.

A friend forwarded this blog to me. i think its quite funny.

A quiet week so far.... The only thing bothering me is that the remote control for my car's alarm. It has been going crazy as it keeps locking and unlocking the door as the alarm button is a big spoilt. Felt tempted to just cut off the wiring of the car alarm. Due to this problem, i have been leaving the car unlocked unwilling for some days, as it will unlock itself due the Fxxxking button being stuck. cannot make it.

In another perspective, Singapore is really as safe as other countires think we are.... after all, my car is still with me. hahaha...

Dunno if its due to the lack of sleep and water, my left eyelid and only my left eyelid is twitching like a morse code machine. Damn irritating when you have to close one eye and rely on the other to look around. Makes you look damn funny.... Superstitiously, left eyelid twitching supposedly mean good things coming around, or so i'm told... yeah right... when i turn out looking like that.

Enlightened

One day the Master announced that a young monk had reached an advanced state of enlightment. The news caused some stir. Some of the monks went to see the young monk. "We heard you are enlightened. Is that true?" they asked.

"It is," he replied.

"And how do you feel?"

"As miserable as ever," said the monk.

The Present Moment

A Japanese warrior was captured by his enemies and thrown into prison. That night he was unable to sleep because he feared that the next day he would be interrogated, tortured, and executed. Then the words of his Zen master came to him, "Tomorrow is not real. It is an illusion. The only reality is now." Heeding these words, the warrior became peaceful and fell asleep.

First big mistake at work.

Just found out that i had made a big big huge mistake during work that is very stupid and embrassing. It’s the kind of stupid thing that there’s no turning back and will mar your position and reputation for the rest of your life within the company. Like any shameful mistake, it will always be one of those things that people will remember….

Now I have an obligation to stay through the mess irregardless of the end result. Guess I should apologize to my team face to face…. Sorry is one of the hardest word to say to another person. But got 2 down and the last one to go which obviously would be the most difficult one to handle. Shd be prepared mentally for an uncomfortable time ahead...

Carelessness has always been my biggest weakness….

Very very sad^sad….

紧箍咒

Never had a real headache before. Guess it’s the first time last Saturday at the Forbidden City of Indochine.

Initially started out by having dinner with a friend at Orchard and then visit the grand opening of Ministry of Sound at Clarke Quay. Din went in as the queue was horrendous. Guess 70% of the Clubbing population is gathered there. Think I should just go on a week day next time. Met some new acquaintances here and there while queuing. Eventually, we gave up and ended up at Forbidden City coz there’s no cover charge.

Couldn’t get a seat initially, but with some feminine charms, we got quite a good spot of the whole area, which is a good reason why guys should always club with chio bu friends. Ha ha… sexism… can’t do without it… The downside of this is that you will be left alone when the wolves are making their moves or you have to make small talk with people that you will never see again, unless otherwise they are lucky with the ladies.

Was physically fine initially, Kilkenny cans were opened and then it happened. The pounding bass of the dance floor transformed into the chant that haunted the monkey on his epic journey to the west. It was squeezing whats left of my brain out and it continued for rest of the night.

Either it’s because of long hibernation period from the clubbing scene, or getting old, or the fact that I work on Saturday. So I downed more Killkenny to numb the pain, coz supposedly thats what alcohol is supposed to do. Well its not true… ha ha. Tried to dance it all away – Failure. Went out to get fresh air – Failure. So in the end, I endured till the wee hours of the morning before driving home with the headache.

If you discount the headache, it’s a good night out. Hopefully it wouldn’t happened again this Wednesday. If loud pounding music becomes the紧箍咒 of my life, it only means that I’m going stepping into male menopause. Hmm… =(

CCC fall in ! 15-12-05.

Met up with my army buddies at suntec marche. Out of 13 expected, 8 turned up in the end. Quite good attendance leh. Think we should meet up more often. Some suggested Mahjong bonding… ha ha… see how… In some way, its lucky that most of us stay somewhere in the West.



In memory of our Ba Tiao brother who was late and thus not turning up coz he's catching King Kong at Suntec. Dun mind the finger. hee hee...

Time to Die

Zen master Ikkyu was very clever even as a boy.

His teacher had a precious teacup, a rare antique. Ikkyu happened to break this cup and was greatly perplexed. Hearing the footsteps of his teacher, he held the pieces of the cup behind him.

When the master appeared, Ikkyu asked: "Why do people have to die?"
"This is natural," explained the older man. "Everything has to die and has just so long to live."
Ikkyu, producing the shattered cup, added: "It was time for your cup to die."

Nothing and I

I woke up today.

Guess there is no point wishing for the same thing every year and yet be disappointed by waking up.

Why can’t I just sleep and dun wake up today? Now I have another 365 days of life to wrestle with and occupy myself. Have to live out what i have now till then.

Hopefully my existence will come to a null soon. Kind of jaded with life liao. Given a choice, i will choose not to exist at all. But then life’s a big joke and so here I am for the roller coaster ride.

As an atheist, there is no hell and heaven. I’m looking forward to eternal non-existence where there is no thinking, nothing to do, no I. Even if i allow for the possible of an afterlife, my eventual ending will still be the end of my existence then, leaving no atoms, electrons, quarks around at all. Life and Death are both one and the same. Like 2 states in equilibrium, continuously in a flux. Its a coin that i can do without.

I’m ready to drop everything… well… more or less. My only worry left is my family, dunno how their life will turn out to the end, but I guess things will run their own course regardless of my interventions.

Well. Till next year. Again.

The anticipation to the end of I, of no where, of nothing.